–Kristen Stewart cleaned up real good (for a homewrecker) in her new Balenciaga ad.
-Pre-scandal, KStew told a magazine that she loves “to feel suddenly out of control.” Whoop it up, girl!
-Meanwhile, she wore Robert Pattinson‘s hat and backpack during her first post-scandal appearance. What is she trying to tell him?!?
-Uh-oh. Not only did Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher attend a sporting event together, they were with her parents! Am I the only one fantasizing about Justin Timberlake and Topher Grace teaming up, flying a helicopter over Ashton‘s mansion and executing a daring rescue mission involving a grappling gun and ladder?!
-The TomKat divorce settlement has been made public and Katie Holmes walked away with practically nothing (which she really wants you to know about). But how is she expected to cover Suri’s handbag budget now?!
-Meanwhile, Katie made a secret return to the stage yesterday — and reportedly didn’t suck — while Tom supported son Connor‘s DJ night.
-Our long national nightmare is finally over: Katy Perry and John Mayer have split. Sources say he’s left a hole in Katy’s heart that can barely be covered up by a whipped cream-spouting bra.
-It’s official: Kim Kardashian has finally completed the transition into an actual blowup doll.
-This was unexpected: Usher just won primary custody of his two young sons.
-Now that Prince Harry‘s junk is all over the interwebs, Playgirl wants to do a more legit photo shoot.
-Why do we still allow Donald Trump to say things?
-Buzzfeed compiled 35 awesome reasons why Aaron Paul should be your favourite actor, but they missed a crucial one: he’s the only person who can make me sit through an entire Korn video.
–Mandy Moore and Zach Braff are friendly exes. (Sidenote: I really hope that image is poorly stretched and that she and Eva Amurri haven’t suddenly become aliens.)
–Madonna says she’s forgiven Elton John — but really hasn’t.
-It’s an Everwood reunion — on Twitter at least. Emily Vancamp and Chris Pratt tweeted their support for Gregory Smith‘s directorial debut on last night’s Rookie Blue.
–LL Cool J won’t be charged for laying that beatdown on a homeless intruder.
-Congrats to Rufus Wainwright, who wed his longtime partner yesterday.
–Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone‘s tour of adorableness continues.
–Rupert Sanders tries to convince the world that his marriage isn’t crumbling by showing off his wedding ring. Aw, that’s adorable.
-This is totally how The Dark Knight Rises should have ended.
–Tyra Banks gave an amusingly cray interview to The Hollywood Reporter, and Gawker was kind enough to compile her most insane quotes.
–Britney Spears‘ conservatorship has lasted so long because she has a personality disorder, announces Dr. Obvious.
–Edward Furlong says he was mugged on Skid Row. (Sidenote: am I the only one who didn’t know that was an actual place?)
–Evan Rachel Wood is fighting backlash after tweeting about Miley Cyrus‘ “gay” new haircut. Pot, meet kettle.
-At least Charlie Sheen seems to love Miley‘s new ‘do. Yay?
–Kristen Dunst wore this to the Bachelorette premiere, reportedly on purpose.
-Yay! Fox just ordered more episodes of Bob’s Burgers.
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