-I don’t even know where to start with the latest Lindsay Lohan alleged jewellery theft story, but here we go: Lilo went to a party at millionaire pal Sam Magrid‘s pad. Magrid said he was robbed. Cops initially believed that the thieves were Lindsay’s guests, but then began to suspect Lindsay herself. It didn’t help that she Tweeted a picture of some jewels and sent Magrid a text that said, “I’m sorry. Please pray for me.” She then tried to blame the theft on Suge Knight’s son and/or said she hid jewels around Magrid’s house because she was tripping on Ambien (’cause this story really needed to get even weirder). Then the investigation was dropped because Magrid changed his tune and said no jewels were taken, possibly because he’s obsessed with her. Got all that?
-Also, Lindsay Lohan is suspected of lying to cops in a completely separate case.
-Oh, and because there’s just no end to Lindsay Lohan news, a man the paparazzi labelled as her drug dealer is primed to score a big win in court.
–Taylor Swift is so smitten with Conor Kennedy (whom she’s dated for an entire month) that she sent a private jet to pick him up and deliver him to Nashville, where she’s promoting her new single. His family have no clue when he’ll be home, which seems totally normal for an 18-year-old.
-If you believed those reports of Jennifer Aniston being pregnant and planning a shotgun wedding in Mexico, you’d be wrong. Also, what’s wrong with you?
-This report of Russell Brand and Geri Halliwell dating makes me inexplicably, incandescently happy.
-Did you know the first episode of Mindy Kalling‘s new sitcom is already streaming online? ‘Cause it is.
-The executive producer of 30 Rock just tweeted a photo of Liz Lemon holding a baby. What does it all mean?!
–Kanye West lawsuit has been dismissed, thanks to Nietzsche. Yeah, that sounds about right.
–James Franco explains that he’s rich, and that means he can make “pure” art. Huzzah for him.
-Sweet! Sunday night’s Breaking Bad reached record ratings for the series.
-Meanwhile, here’s a great interview with the guy who plays Breaking Bad‘s Mike.
–Jimmy Kimmel is no fan of Jay Leno.
-Amazon.com users responded to Bic’s very dumb ‘For Her’ women’s pens by writing some very clever reviews. Hilarious!
-Sadness: Robert Pattinson is selling his L.A. home. (No word on if the new owners will get the “tainted love nest” discount.)
-Meanwhile, are Robert Pattinson and Rihanna sexting? Probably not.
–Michelle Williams has been on casual fashion roll lately, no?
–Jack Bauer sure enjoys his cupcakes.
–Joshua Jackson talks very eloquently about the working on the final season of Fringe. God bless you, Pacey!
–Britney Spears was reportedly ordered by Simon Cowell to put on a bra and take out her hair extensions. I never thought I’d say this, but Simon Cowell deserves a slow clap.
-Sadness: The guy who plays Hershel on Walking Dead has been arrested for DUI.
–Madonna has explained all of the controversial crap she’s pulled on her current tour. (Because nothing says ‘I don’t give a f***’ like explaining yourself.)
-Um, guys? There’s going to be a Beverly Hills Cop TV show, and Eddie Murphy is involved. Come ON!
–Amanda Seyfried stepped out with new boyfriend
Jack Bass Desmond Harrington.
–Sienna Miller is doing a pretty good job channelling Tippi Hedren in The Girl trailer.