-Oh god. There are photos of George Clooney and Channing Tatum on a boat together in Italy. I think I just had an aneurysm.
–Jack White’s new video directed by Hype Willliams (whaaa???) just landed.
-Scientology smientology. Katie Holmes just enrolled Suri in a Catholic school.
-A weird by-product of the Katie/Tom split is that Conner Cruise seems to suddenly be a celebrity — or at least a new paparazzi magnet. Seriously, are we supposed to care about this kid?
–Breaking Bad premiered last night to huge (for them) ratings. Take that, Dish Network! (My recap is on its way.)
-Meanwhile, BB star Aaron Paul says he and his fiancee have decided to hold off living together until they got married. Um, if he needs someone to practice playing house with, I’m sure I could clear my schedule.
–Nick Cannon says American Idol can’t afford Mariah Carey. Stop ruining everything, Nick Cannon!!
–Spy Kids star Alexa Vega is getting a divorce. This would probably be more devastating if we knew she were married in the first place.
-Speaking of splits, Katy Perry and Russell Brand are officially divorced. There’s no word on who gets the whipped cream-squirting bra.
-Watch out, world! Marilyn Manson wants to breed!
–Miley Cyrus has also allegedly come down with a bad case of baby fever.
–Kirsten Dunst somehow managed to avoid the ugly bridesmaid’s dress curse at her BFF’s wedding.
–Seal appears to be moving on from his split with Heidi Klum just fine, thankyouverymuch.
–Joshua Jackson just used “quotidian” in a sentence. Marry me!
-Congrats to Uma Thurman, who just gave birth to a baby girl.
–Michael Lohan and Kate Major are expecting a kid together. ‘Cause nothing bonds a couple like a pregnancy and a recent restraining order.
–Ashley Greene just won’t stop trying, god love her.
–Jennifer Aniston taped a cute promo for Ellen‘s 10th season. I always forget that this girl can laugh at herself. Sometimes.