-To the surprise of absolutely no one, Robert Pattinson isn’t speaking to heart-stomper Kristen Stewart. He was reportedly “horrified” by her gushy public apology (who wasn’t?) and was rumoured to be planning to propose to her.
-Don’t even. We’re expected to believe that KStew and Robert Sanders didn’t have sex? Donne moi un break.
-Meanwhile, I’m sure Sanders’ wife will be thrilled to learn that KStew has gotten close to her kid.
–Lady Gaga tweeted a naked photo of herself and it looks…uncomfortable.
-Something’s been missing in my life for the past couple of weeks, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Something was just off. And then it came to me: I switched email addresses recently, which means I hadn’t been getting my weekly dose of GOOP. I rectified the situation immediately, just in time for Gwyneth‘s guide to the Hamptons. Whew!
-Production on Fringe has been delayed so John Noble can get treated for a sleep disorder (though I would think having Walter extra loopy and REM-deprived would work for his character.)
–Jessica Biel is wearing a ‘Justin’ necklace and burphkklhk — sorry, just choked on a little bit of vomit.
-I don’t know what freaks me out more: that Cheryl Burke was flirting with Zac Efron, or that she’s only three years older than him.
–Drake says that he’s the “first person to successfully rap and sing.” Aww, muffin!
-Meanwhile, the exec who discovered him says Drake‘s mgmt is scamming him.
–Bruce Willis reportedly thinks his daughters are “spoiled and selfish” for turning their backs on Demi Moore.
–Justin Bieber got in trouble for throwing down a four-letter word on a recent flight, and it’s wasn’t “baby.”
-Another day, another report of Rihanna and Chris Brown getting flirty in the French Riviera.
–Kris Jenner continues to petition for Mother of the Year.
-I walk past a newsstand on my way to work, and every morning this week I’ve looked at the cover of Allure and thought “Wow, Jenna Dewan looks great.” And then I realize it’s Kate Beckinsale. That’s probably not a good sign.
-Is there anything better than watching Bill Cosby dance? That was a rhetorical question; of course there isn’t!
–Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher were spotted together yet again.
-Honey badger Chris Colfer can now add ‘New York Times’ bestselling author‘ to his resume.
–The Killing just got killed.
-This week’s latest John Mayer hookup rumour and this week’s latest Katy Perry hookup rumour can be combined. That’s so considerate of them!
–Dane Cook: still an ass.
-One of the best episodes of Parks and Recreation (and that’s saying something!) featured Tom, Donna and Ben enjoying a “Treat Yo’ Self” day. Now there’s outtakes!