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Matt Damon Screws Up Again

 

Matt Damon appears on Jimmy Kimmel Live on Sept 28, 2105
Matt Damon appears on Jimmy Kimmel Live on Sept 28, 2105. (ABC)

-I tweeted in jest earlier today “Facebook is down so now we all have time to wonder if Matt Damon is purposefully imploding to deflect from Ben Affleck‘s nanny mess” but the more I think about it, the more I wonder if that could be it? Because I have no other explanation as to how Damon has always been the flawless one when it comes to presenting a sane, normal face publicly, and now’s he’s screwed up YET AGAIN by suggesting that gay actors should stay in the closet for their career. I suggest reading the full interview for context, but here’s the quote everyone’s latched onto: “I think you’re a better actor the less people know about you period. And sexuality is a huge part of that. Whether you’re straight or gay, people shouldn’t know anything about your sexuality because that’s one of the mysteries that you should be able to play.” I mean, by that logic he should stop taking his wife to his premieres. And can you even imagine a scenario in which straight actors are told to hide their sexuality? On the plus side, all these missteps are offering some pretty fascinating peeks into the logic of well-respected, top industry players. And we can all keep using the #damonsplaining hashtag for another week.

–Damon will be on Kimmel tonight. This should be interesting…

-Meanwhile, NASA just announced discovery of water on Mars. That’s some stellar marketing for The Martian, 20th Century Fox!

-I did an interview with the Toronto Star today defending Justin Bieber’s social media strategy. And then he goes and says a bunch of stupid stuff about tacos and Jesus. STOP MAKING ME LOOK BAD, BIEBER!

–Kaley Cuoco and Ryan Sweeting are divorcing, and she’s already removed all traces of him from her Instagram.

-I don’t have the opportunity to say this enough about celebrity apologies, but I LOVED Michael B. Jordan’s recanting of all that “female” business. “It is a slang term that guys sometimes use to sound slick and cool coming up…I’m a better man than that. This reference to women will not come out of my mouth publicly or in private again.” This is so much better than the standard Hollywood “I’m sorry you were offended” crap.

-Australia denied a visa to Chris Brown because of his history of domestic violence. I love Australia.

–Kate Hudson and Nick Jonas are just doing lunch for business meeting purposes, right? And they just spent the weekend together because the meeting ran so long, right? RIGHT?!

-I wish Jane The Virgin season 1 was coming to Netflix a few weeks before its season 2 premiere so that people had more of a chance to catch up, but at least it’s coming at all.

–George and Amal Clooney celebrated their first anniversary. What a time to be alive!

-Words I never thought I’d type: a Vampire Diaries star had her baby bump blessed by the Pope.

–Justin Theroux isn’t going to be wearing sweatpants this season on The Leftovers, breaking the hearts of GIF makers everywhere.

-Sorry, Raven-Symone, but thin-shaming isn’t really a thing in Hollywood.

–Retta is pitching a late-night talk show? YASSS!

-I’ve just started reading Mindy Kaling‘s new book but I’ve already fallen in love with it. Her bits on female friendships are so, so on point.

-Ohhhh…a new X Files trailer is premiering tonight.

-According to Chilly Gonzales, Hozier‘s “Take Me To Church” rips off Feist’s “How Come You Never Go There.” I’m not sure I totally hear it, but his breakdown of the song is pretty mesmerizing.

–Fetty Wap has been hospitalized and is recovering after a motorcycle crash in New Jersey.

–John Oliver brought a dead Days of Our lives character back to life for a Syrian teen caught in the migrant crisis.

-Quantico opened really strong last night.

-More publications are starting to jump to Taylor Swift’s defense in response to all the praise Ryan Adams has had heaped on him for covering her songs. The rock vs pop favoritism has been fascinating to watch unfold. At the end of the day, Adams needs Swift more than Swift needs Adams.

–Frances Bean Cobain married boyfriend Isaiah Silva — but she neglected to tell her mom about it.

–Azealia Banks needs to maybe step away from people for a while.

–Joseph Gordon-Levitt singing “Bitch Better Have My Money” as a ragtime song is my favourite new thing.

–Bradley Cooper wants to be the Yoda of the culinary world in the latest Burnt trailer.

Emily Blunt Opens Up About Motherhood

Emily Blunt Vogue

–Emily Blunt looks amazing in Vogue, which she posed for during her pregnancy.

-Please please please tell me that reports of Tom Cruise grooming Elizabeth Moss to be his Scientology girlfriend are false. STAY AWAY FROM PEGGY!

-Watching James Franco solemnly “apologize” for hitting on a teenager on this morning’s Live with Kelly and Michael sent my cringe muscle into overdrive, especially since the theory that it was all part of a movie promo stunt was inexplicably picking up steam. “I guess I’m just a model of how social media is tricky…I used bad judgement and I learned my lesson.”

-Don’t sass Sarah Jessica Parker on Twitter. She’ll sass you right back.

–Mariah Carey is fronting like she doesn’t know who Kim Kardashian is, which is kind of adorable.

-You must watch this old video of Jon Hamm at the age of 25, sporting some intensely 90s hair and talking about foot massages on a dating game show.

-Speaking of Mad Men stars, January Jones‘ TV daughter has officially started dressing better than her.

–Johnny Depp insists that his wedding to Amber Heard will not be of the “shotgun” variety.

-Speaking of Johnny, pretty much everyone on the Internet has fallen out of love with him because of all this near couch-jumping bullshit. Sad face.

-Ruh roh. Community’s surprisingly hilarious G.I. Joe homage hit a series low in the ratings.

-A new trailer for Orphan Black has arrived, and Tatiana Maslany talks about the new clone in this interview. I’m glad this show is getting so much coverage before its season premiere. 

-Just when I thought the How I Met Your Mother finale couldn’t have been any worse comes news that they had the nerve to cut a Robin Sparkles performance. Grrr!

–Jennifer Lopez outbid ex-boyfriend Diddy for Fuse TV.

-Meanwhile, everyone’s talking about how short Jennifer Lopez‘s dress is, but I can’t stop looking at her shoes. What’s happening there?

–Gwendoline Christie, who plays Brienne on Game of Thrones, just landed a part in The Hunger Games: Mockingjay–Part 2. Hollywood should give her all the roles.

-The curtain is closing on Glee sooner than expected. The show’s 5th season will be cut short due to crappy ratings.

-Jersey Shore’s Snooki is pregnant with her second child.

-Rumour has it that Stephen Colbert is the frontrunner to replace Letterman on Late Night. Watch Letterman‘s official announcement here.

-In other late night news, Daniel Radcliffe and Jimmy Fallon played Sticky Balls on last night’s show, while Judd Apatow confronted Seth Meyers for denying him his SNL dream.

-Syfy has ordered a new drama based on 12 Monkeys, which is probably a terrible idea.

–Ellen made Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield squirm (adorably, of course) when she questioned them about their relationship. Guys, I had no idea Andrew Garfield had a British accent.

–Michelle Williams looks amazing in Broadway’s Cabaret.

–Rose Byrne looks lovely on the new cover of Elle, where she talks about boyfriend Bobby Cannavale. I always forget that they’re dating, but I like them both so it’s like a recurring happy surprise.

–Scarlett Johansson recorded a cover of that stupid selfie song.

-Here’s the new trailer for HBO’s The Normal Heart, starring Mark Ruffalo, Julia Roberts, Matt Bomer, Taylor Kitsch, and Jim Parsons. It’s probably not a good sign that I’m already weepy.

-Nice! Lupita Nyong’o is the new face of Lancome.

-How did I miss the fact that the ladies of Parks and Rec posed for a Jane Austin-inspired photo shoot?!

–Bryan Cranston is writing a memoir and he promises to “reveal the secrets and lies that I lived with for six years shooting Breaking Bad.”

–Mila Kunis gives Robin Williams 90 minutes to live in the new trailer for Angriest Man in Brooklyn.

-Check out the first teaser trailer for the new season of True Blood.

–Seth Rogen posted an extremely NSFW selfie on Twitter. Seriously, don’t click on it unless you haven’t eaten in a while.

–Chris Brown was taken into custody by U.S. marshals last night, and will be taken to D.C. for his trial.

-I haven’t read this oral history of Heathers yet. This requires a comfy couch and a glass of wine before really digging into it.

-Here’s the latest trailer for Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler‘s new film, Blended. Yuck.

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin Split

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin separate

-Whoa! Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin just announced their separation after 11 years of marriage on GOOP in a post titled “Conscious Uncoupling.” The announcement quickly crashed the site (probably because everyone who subscribes got a cryptic email that just contained the logo and a single line: “Click here for a note from GP.”)

-I’m guessing Pete Yorn‘s brother just became super famous because of this.

–Justin Timberlake took Jessica Biel to Barbados for her 32nd birthday.

-Here’s more conveniently timed stills from Mila Kunis’ appearance on Two and a Half Men.

–Mark Wahlberg thinks Transformers is “the most iconic franchise in history.” Oh, sweetie.

-In a recent interview, Andrew Garfield talked a lot about his “package” while Emma Stone looked on, horrified.

-Just when you thought Chris Brown couldn’t get any worse, prepare to be nauseated by his new music video for Loyal. Did I mention that it’s sponsored by AshleyMadison.com? Because if you’re going to beat women up, you might as well cheat on them, too.

-Here’s our first look at Kristen Stewart‘s new Chanel ad campaign.

–Owen Pallett wrote a piece examining Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream” through the lens of music theory, and now I want him to review every pop song ever made. Can he get on that already?!

-Speaking of pop criticism, Matt Zoller Seitz wrote a fantastic essay on the lack of technical content in movie and TV reviews. I want to subtweet this line to all my Facebook friends who suddenly seem to think they’re film critics: “[Critics need to know the] nuts and bolts: where the camera goes, and why it goes there. Why a scene included a lot of over-the-shoulder shots of a character speaking, even though the angle prevents you from seeing their lips moving. Why a particular scene was played entirely in closeup, or entirely in long shot.”

-That’s why I follow Emily Nussbaum, who tweeted this about The Good Wife’s courtroom shots in the last episode.

-Speaking of The Good Wife, I caught up last night. No spoilers, but ooh boy. Here’s the departing star on last night’s Letterman explaining what the hell happened.

-And here’s Weeds star Hunter Parrish talking about how he became part of the series’ most shocking (and hate mail-getting) twist. I really, really liked his performance in that ep.

-In other TV twist news, an actress on Hannibal (which I know is very, very good but I was way too much of a wimp to stick with it, even for Gillian Anderson) wrote a really great blog post about what happened to her character last week and all the cries of sexism/racism that followed. I don’t follow the show, but Bryan Fuller has a pretty great history when it comes to writing kickass female characters.

–Lauren Graham participated in a Reddit AMA and reconfirmed my long-held belief that we are meant to be BFFs.

–Mindy Kaling even manages to make creep shots seem adorable.

-Meanwhile, Mindy just posted this shot from an upcoming scene on her show and it gave me all the squees.

-Also, she looks amazing in Vogue.

-Speaking of Vogue, here is a collection of the best lines from Kimye’s Vogue profile so you don’t have to stoop to reading it yourself.

–Naomi Campbell’s reaction to Kim & Kanye‘s Vogue cover was pretty wonderful.

–Ellen Page is a master of the subtweet.

-The first full trailer for 24: Live Another day has arrived. WHY IS EVERYONE SHOUTING?!?

–The Office Time Machine catalogues every cultural reference in The Office, sorted by year. Incredible.

-I despise the word “bromance” but I’ll click on any headline that involves Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen.

–Peter Dinklage talks nude scenes in the upcoming season of Game of Thrones.

-SXSW is long over but the NPR Austin 100 download is still available, featuring 100 songs from some of the festival’s hottest acts.

–Diddy has reverted back to Puff Daddy for his new album, for the three people out there who still care about him.

-Speaking of time-warping, the Spice Girls (minus Victoria Beckham, natch) are in talks to tour with the Backstreet Boys. Emma Stone is going to lose her shit.

-In other news that makes me think it’s 1997, Billy Corgan announced two new Smashing Pumpkins albums.

-Character actor James Rebhorn, who died after a long battle with skin cancer, wrote his own obit, and it’s wonderful. “He was a lucky man in every way.”

–Billy on the Street and Will Ferrell play my new favourite game: “Would Drew Barrymore Like That?”

-You can also watch Neil Patrick Harris and Billy Eichner yell at people on the streets of Manhattan about the HIMYM finale.

-Holy crap, it’s been 30 years since The Breakfast Club?! Feels like just yesterday that Judd was fist- pumping the air…

-Need to catch up on Mad Men before it’s return? This video tells you everything you need to know in under 2 minutes.

-Sad: Patrick Dempsey’s mother died after a long battle with ovarian cancer.

-Speaking of Grey’s Anatomy stars, what kind of show can’t figure out how to properly use Smash Williams?!?

-Warning: Aubrey Plaza‘s fake Ring Pop ad takes a really dark turn.

-Rookie Blue is getting a 22-episode order this season, which pretty much ensures that I won’t watch it.

-Sweet baby jesus — Wolfmother is back with a new album!

-There’s a new featurette for The Fault In Our Stars. I know I should trust John Green, but I’m so worried about this adaptation.

-The first book in the Veronica Mars mystery series isn’t getting great reviews, but you can judge for yourself by listening to the first five minutes of the audiobook, narrated by Kristen Bell.

-Speaking of audio books, listen to Jason Schwartzman and Katy Perry read a story from B.J. Novak’s One More Thing.

–Katherine Heigl somehow sucked Alfre Woodard into her terrible-sounding NBC drama pilot State of Affairs.

-In the latest example of category fraud, Showtime’s Shameless is submitting under “comedy” at the Emmys this year. ‘Cause nothing says laughs like toddlers who OD on coke.

-Here’s the latest trailer fro Tom Cruise’s Edge of Tomorrow. It’s got a bit of a Source Code vibe to it, which I don’t hate.