50 Cent

-We knew it was only a matter of time seeing as they haven’t been photographed together since March, but People is reporting that George Clooney and Stacy Keibler are dunzo. At least he let it seem like she was the one who did the leaving (using the ol’ “she wants to have children and a family someday!” chestnut). Plus, he waited to announce it until she landed a new TV show and magazine cover.

-A condo building close to my office is making fun of Kim Kardashian, which makes my walk to work very enjoyable.

-A new Sorkinism supercut has surfaced, showing just how much Aaron Sorkin plagiarizes himself. I still don’t mean what “Six to five and pick ’em” means, even though it’s been mentioned in all his shows.

-Dammit. Donald Glover will spend less time on Community next season, appearing in only 5 of 13 episodes to focus on his music career. Those 5 episodes better feature a hell of a lot of Crying Troy!

–Taylor Swift appears to be dating Matthew Gray Gubler from Criminal Minds, judging by their patriotic face paint.

-This infographic titled “Does Amanda Bynes Think You’re Ugly?” is spot on.

-Do you want to buy Halle Berry‘s old nail clippers? Then this is your lucky day!

-It’s adorable that Kris Jenner is pretending Kanye West will let her debut baby North on her new talk show!

-The best thing you’ll see all day: Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper snap selfies at Wimbledon. (These GIFs also slay me.)

-Well, this is terrible. 50 Cent allegedly sent some horrible texts to his teenage son before his domestic assault charge, saying things like “Tell your mother she won. She has you and ill [sic] make another. I will have nothing to do with you. Don’t text me ever again.”

-At 53, Heather Locklear looks better in a bikini that the rest of us mere mortals could ever hope to.

–Taylor Lautner reportedly got all handsy with a pretty brunette during a 4th of July bash.

-Good news: Jenna Dewan actually looks like a normal human being who just had a baby.

-Remember that 67-year-old woman who sat next to Jay-Z on the subway and asked if he was famous? She just gave his new album a glowing review.

-Well this came out of nowhere: Vampire Diaries star Zach Roerig just revealed that he has a secret daughter that he’s fighting for custody of with his jailed ex-girlfriend.

-This story about all the hoops a reporter had to go through to interview Selena Gomez is hilarious. (Man, I don’t miss having to write articles like this, where you have to talk about the interview’s surroundings because the person you’re talking to gives you absolutely nothing.)

-I cannot stop staring at the new poster for Oldboy. Josh Brolin really needs to start demanding final approval on these things…

–Lauryn Hill has entered prison to begin serving  her 3-month sentence.

-I love that Matt Damon calls his wife “a civilian.”

–Matthew Knowles married a former model, but neither Beyonce or Solange showed up to the ceremony.

-I really liked this examination of the best box office performers of 2013 so far. That’s why I’m not quite ready to declare The Lone Ranger a flop until I see the overseas numbers. Halle Berry‘s The Call actually made money, and Will Smith‘s After Earth continues to have legs outside of North America.

-Celebrities continue to push Instagram’s rules. Rihanna posted underboob, Heidi Klum shared a peek at her bare bum.

–Zooey Deschanel caused a stir this weekend while performing with She & Him in Toronto by demanding that no one snap photos with their phones. Because a famous actress should totally choose a festival stage when she wants to hide.

–Michael Lohan says daughter Lindsay once OD’d on cocaine when she was just 18.

-London just erected the world’s best statue of Colin Firth in Pride and Prejudice. Actually, scratch that. This is the world’s best statue, full stop.

-In related news, the first trailer for Austenland has landed. Ooooh boy, I’m going to watch that crap out this movie. I loved the book so much that I think I destroyed my copy by hugging it too tightly.