–Amanda Bynes continues to abuse Twitter, this time talking about her nose job and how she’s trying to model herself after a stripper named Blac Chyna. Which of course means she now has one million followers, because humanity sucks.
–Reese Witherspoon made sure to be photographed wearing a City of Atlanta Police baseball cap, securing her title as Worst Damage Controller of 2013. The police, meanwhile, are not impressed — especially since the hat’s a fake knockoff. She hasn’t strained so hard working her public persona since that time she was trying to pretend her marriage wasn’t falling apart while accepting an Oscar.
–Keira Knightley wore flats and an old dress (topped with a new Chanel jacket, but still) at her wedding this weekend. I think I love her.
-According to Miley Cyrus’ Twitter, she’s about to be named #1 on Maxim’s annual Hot 100 list. Huh?
–Gillian Anderson sounds very Dana Scully-ish when she says she wants her 18-year-old daughter to follow “follow her heart in big things rather than following men.”
-This New Girl auto-tune is great. “I do it for Kenya” will never fail to make me laugh. every. single. time.
-In other great fan videos, this Don Draper pitch supercut is fantastic.
-In a new interview with Piers Morgan, Lindsay Lohan says: “Constantly sending me to rehab is pointless. The first few times I was court-ordered to rehab it was like a joke, like killing time.”
–Robert Pattinson dined with Katy Perry and ordered a glass of wine and a salad because he’s a delicate flower.
-Meanwhile, Kristen Stewart had her hands full with a fender bender.
–Lil Kim is being sued for $15 million by her former manager for allegedly being a diva and terrible person in general.
–Justin Timberlake just announced that he’s releasing yet another album this year.
–Cameron Diaz gets to kiss Jaime Lannister in a new movie so we all have permission to hate her now.
–Chris Brown admitted that he’s not dating Rihanna any more, but played it off by acting like it’s because he wants to date “as many girls as possible” not because she dumped his sorry ass.
–Jane Levy of Suburgatory is getting a divorce. All together now: Jane Levy was MARRIED?!??
–Prince Harry might have let it slip that Kate and William are possibly having a boy. Maybe.
–Simon Cowell reportedly told Demi Lovato to lose 20 lbs. before returning to The X Factor in the fall. Either he forgot she has an eating disorder, or he really is the worst.
-Man, even the promo for season 2 of The Newsroom is insufferable.
–Nick Offerman is doing a Q&A at a canoe museum in Peterborough, Ont. Road trip???
-Good lord, now even Melissa Joan Hart is trying to Kickstart a project.
-Lindsay Lohan’s rehired lawyer just kept her from going to jail.
-Here’s our first look at Michael Jackson‘s son Prince making his acting debut on 90210.
-Do not interrupt Helen Mirren when she’s on stage, cause she will lose her sh*t.
-In news that will surprise absolutely no one, Steve Carell is probably going to turn up on The Office finale.
-Behold: a crazy comprehensive guide to all the accents on Game of Thrones.
-I really like the sweatshirt Mila Kunis is wearing in Spain.
-It’s my birthday today. It’s also George Clooney’s. Does that make us soul mates? ‘Cause that’s the theory I’m working off of…
-Here are some photos of Ryan Gosling’s biceps, because I love you.
-It sounds like the Bluths are a verbose family. The script for the Arrested Development pilot was 70 pages long, twice the average length for a sitcom.
-Since Child Services took away Brooke Mueller‘s twins, Denise Richards has been taking care of them.
-A new trailer for White House Down has landed. Channing Tatum makes things go boom.