-It’s been a few days but I don’t think I missed that much (besides Gwyneth Paltrow admitting that she’s tried Botox, a Catching Fire trailer dropping, Tyrese saying a whole bunch of stupid shit and then kinda apologizing, Patti Smith laying down some wisdom, and the entire internet getting fooled by a sketchy story about a Friends reunion).
-One thing I didn’t miss was having to read about Amanda Bynes‘ daily breakdowns. Yesterday she posted a bizarre video about primping for a night out while sucking on Sour Patch Kids (no, really), a video which she later called “perfection” in her latest Twitter rant. Oh, and then today she stepped out looking like this.
–Kristen Stewart (who was at Coachella with RPattz) is officially on board for the Snow White sequel. Strap in for the most awkward press tour ever!
–Lindsay Lohan (also at Coachella but I managed to avoid her completely — woot!) is still debating her rehab options.
-Meanwhile, Amanda Seyfried very awkwardly answered a question about her Mean Girls costar Lohan in a new interview with Allure.
-Speaking of Allure, check out the stars who stripped down for their annual naked issue.
–Jimmy Kimmel joked about our buffoon of a mayor on last night’s show.
–Malin Akerman had a son yesterday and I’m pretty sure I had no clue she was pregnant. In any case, mazel!
-In a deposition for her divorce trial, Kim Kardashian just admitted that she’s spent more time in her relationship with Kanye West apart from him than with him. Hope she enjoys semi-single motherhood!
–Macauley Culkin got into an altercation with some photogs while leaving a bar in Brighton last night.
–Thom Yorke and Nigel Godrich participated in Rookie’s “Ask a Grown Man” video series and it was awesome. I kind of want to watch these guys give dating advice to teen girls for the rest of my life.
-Bad news for The Hives. A Swedish court has ruled that they must pay The Cardigans $3 million that was shuffled around by a management company representing both groups.
-This is blowing up the intertubes today: a deleted scene from this week’s Parks & Recreation in which the director asked guest star Patton Oswalt to improvise a filibuster and he launched into an epic, eight-minute, one-take nerdfest.
-Funny or Die’s 78-minute Steve Jobs biopic starring Justin Long has landed.
–Conan O’Brien interviewed the creator and cast of Breaking Bad. It’s an hour long so I haven’t had a chance to watch it yet, but yay!
-Meanwhile, AMC just announced that Breaking Bad‘s final 8 episodes will begin airing Aug. 11, followed weekly by a post-episode chat show, Talking Bad. Double yay!
-Also, Aaron Paul sent a cryptic tweet about hosting a finale viewing party in a cemetery.
-Salt of the earth gents Chris Brown and will.i.am have been accused of plagiarizing their new track.
–Gillian Anderson looks fab on the set of Hannibal. Crap, I’m going to have to start watching it now, aren’t I?
-Whoa. When did Friday Night Lights actress Aimee Teegarden become all grown up?
–Adele turned down a seven-figure deal to write a memoir because she’s “far too young.”
–Pamela Anderson actually looks ok here, which is weird and disconcerting.
–Coolio still thinks he’s living in a gangster paradise. He’s facing charges for allegedly punching his live-in girlfriend…and then hitting her with his car!
–Ozzy Osbourne has denied that his marriage to Sharon is on the rocks, but he did admit that his substance abuse has caused a rift between them.
–Carey Mulligan looks amazing in the new issue of Vogue.
–Seth MacFarlane is pissed that a fan-cut video makes it look like Family Guy predicted the Boston marathon explosion.
-Meanwhile, Stephen Colbert‘s note-perfect response to Boston tragedy is worth a watch.
-Obama told the Today Show that he had “better things to do” than help Beyonce and Jay-Z plan their vacation to Cuba.
-Is this the final nail in Britney Spears‘ career? She’s releasing a song for Smurfs 2.
-Paramount is playing up World War Z‘s blood and gore to try to make us care. Meh, I’m still not there.
-Huzzah! The Pitch Perfect sequel is a go!
-Everyone’s talking about Evan Rachel Wood‘s baby bump, but I’m more focused on her bad makeup. What’s going on there? Too much powder?
–Jennifer Aniston is into cupping (which sounds way dirtier than it really is).
–Rihanna was spotted at a doctor’s office, which kicked off speculation that’s she’s pregnant (because why else would a young woman possibly need to visit a doctor?!), but her camp is shooting down the rumours.
-Is anyone else really surprised that Victoria Beckham is only 39? She seems older to me, for some reason.
-Good news for Emma Watson and Sofia Coppola: Bling Ring is expected to open Cannes‘ Un Certain Regard program.
–Jada Pinkett-Smith tried to explain her “open marriage” comments but ended up just making it worse.
-Even I have to admit that the new Man of Steel trailer is kinda impressive.
