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Connie Britton

Gwyneth Paltrow: The Cursing Cook

Gwyneth Paltrow GOOP

Gwyneth Paltrow tried to make us care about her adventures in baking by adding cutesy, swear-filled speech bubbles in the latest GOOP. It didn’t work.

-I couldn’t even get through all of J.Lo and Iggy Azalea’s new video. Between this and “Anaconda,” I need a booty break.

-The New York Times television critic wrote an offensively terrible piece about Shonda Rhimes’ new show and the evolution of black female characters on television. There’s a lot of cringe-inducing sentiments: that Shonda only relates to her “angry, black women” characters, that Nicole Beharie is merely a “sidekick” on Sleepy Hollow, that Shonda created How To Get Away With Murder (she’s the producer; the creator is this white dude), etc. Many, many people much smarter than me have already penned rebuttals — including Shonda herself.

-Awww: Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet have pledged to help the last living Titanic survivor pay for her nursing home fees. She really does make him a better person, huh?

Ryan Gosling is “madly in love” with his new daughter, says a source. (Some day I’d love to read an article where the source says, “I dunno. He actually seems pretty ‘meh’ about the whole thing.”)

-It looks like Ryan Reynolds may get another shot at playing a superhero thanks to that leaked Deadpool footage.

Clay Aiken is waving the victim-blaming flag, saying celebs whose nude photos were hacked got what they deserved. Sigh.

Angelina Jolie will continue to work behind the camera. She just signed on to direct a biopic titled Africa.

-Oh jesus. Not only is Matthew McConaughey not going to be in Magic Mike XXL, but now Andie MacDowell has joined the cast. Does no one remember that she almost single-handedly ruined Four Weddings and a Funeral?!

Jon Hamm, Connie Britton, Kerry Washington and more star in new White House PSA against sexual assault.

Jimmy Fallon‘s version of Family Feud is so much better than the real thing.

-Meanwhile, Billy Crystal and Jimmy Fallon traded wonderful stories about Robin Williams last night.

-I can’t decide if I love Kate Hudson’s pants or I hate them, but either way I’m totally mesmerized.

-There are a ton of new rom-com-inspired sitcoms debuting this month. You should just skip them all and watch You’re The Worst instead.

-Oh geez. The Maze Runner’star Will Poulter called out a Toronto critic for his scathing movie review.

-Here’s the trailer for Tim Burton’s Big Eyes (aka – Amy Adams’ Oscar submission).

Kerry Washington and Eminem Team Up for SNL

-It’s a good sign that SNL put out not one, but two rounds of promo clips for Kerry Washington‘s upcoming appearance — and she kills it both times.

-Speaking of Kerry, (who keeps rocking killer black-and-white combos this week, first on last night’s Scandal and later on Fallon), everyone’s pulling out the soundbite about her not being offended by the lesbian rumours, but her entire interview with The Advocate is well worth a read.

-Meanwhile, Scandal star Josh Malina went as Olivia Pope for Halloween on Kimmel last night, and it was glorious.

Jennifer Love Hewitt‘s baby daddy drama got her show cancelled.

-Can anyone out there decipher Gwyneth Paltrow’s cryptic signoff in this week’s GOOP? (“P.S. Oh, it’s definitely your f@$*ing city.”)

Kanye West‘s lawsuit against the co-founder of YouTube is super mean in its description of the guy.

Michael Fassbender says everyone’s obsession over his penis is a kind of sexual harassment.

-I agree with a lot about this article on why all the How I Met Your Mother characters so insufferable this season.

Emilie Hirsch is a new dad. He welcomed a baby boy with an unnamed former flame.

MIA‘s new album is streaming in full on YouTube.

-30 Rock duo Tina Fey and Robert Carlock are going to produce a new sitcom for NBC starring The Office’s Ellie Kemper. I’m not sure how they’ll wring comedy out of a story about abducted girls but if anyone can do it, it’s them.

Lamar Odom is sounding very positive about the future of his marriage to Khloe Kardashian. She does not seem to share his optimism, however.

-There also seems to be some hope for the future of Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones‘ marriage.

Connie Britton says she would totally return to American Horror Story. Has anyone warned her about this season’s skull bashing and minotaur sex?

Kristin Chenoweth got a pixie cut and I heart it so hard!

-Anyone else think it’s weird that Jesse Eisnenberg is doing Modern Family?

-I love that Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy took their kids trick-or-treating together.

Britney Spears dressed up like Snow White for Halloween — and made her backup dancers go as schlubby dwarfs.

January Jones had the laziest Halloween costume ever.

-I couldn’t make it through the entire Nerdist podcast with Harrison Ford because it was too awkward. Host Chris Hardwick generously took all the blame, but think it was sunk by Harrison Ford’s Harrison Fordiness.

-I like that Mindy Kaling is basically using her TV gig to make out with whichever hot actor she wants. Next up: Timothy Olyphant.

-With her big Vanity Fair exposé on the horizon, Gwyneth Paltrow is going on the offensive.

Margaret Atwood is totally winning at Twitter.

Jay Z reportedly nixed 3,200 possible names before settling on one for his new cologne: Gold. That seems like time and energy well spent.

-He might move like Jagger, but Katy Perry’s not interested. She says she turned down the Rolling Stone frontman when he hit on her when she was just 18.

-This is so very NSFW, so very offensive, but also so very hilarious: “Ghostface Killah’s 3rd Annual Top 10 Softest Rappers in the Game List!” It’s all priceless, but the Kanye West callout is amazing: “This muthaf**** done put on womens garments one too many times to not get called out for it son. This *****s drivin his gender mobile in the middle of the freeway wit no regards for which way the traffic is goin AT ALL b. This ***** aint jus gon be rockin the entire Chanel spring collection n not catch no flack for that shit nahmean.” Also amazing is his take on Bow Wow: “The last time anybody took this n**** serious Lil Kim was still mostly made of human body parts son.” I’m dying.

Damon Wayans Jr. is reprising his role of Coach on New Girl, starting next week.

-The Make-A-Wish Foundation is turning San Francisco into Gotham for a sick 5-year-old boy, and their plan is amazing.

Spike Jonze to going to direct ‘live music video‘ for Arcade Fire, whatever that means.

-Um, is it just me or does the Lego movie looks kind of great?

Amanda Bynes’ Mom Granted Temporary Conservatorship

amanda-bynes-makeover

-This is probably for the best: Amanda Bynes‘ mother has been granted legal control over her daughter.

-Congrats to Ashley Tisdale, who reportedly got engaged last night at the top of the Empire State Building.

-This photo of an Empire Records cast reunion warms my cold, cold heart.

-A sketchy report suggests Lindsay Lohan was spotted partying ’till the early hours of the morning. Does Oprah know about this?

-Speaking of Opes, she says she recently got the snotty Pretty Woman treatment at pricey Swiss boutique. Big mistake. Huge.

Idina Menzel and Taye Diggs are just as adorable together as I imagined them to be! (I also imagined that they’d invite me over for dinner and we’d all become BFFs. Still waiting on that one…)

-If you ever wanted to see Jennifer Love Hewitt awkwardly work out with an exercise ball, today is your lucky day.

Bono, just say “no” to mandals. Trust.

-I actually really liked the original ending to The Hills, which exposed its total lack of “reality” in the final shot. But this alternate ending is blowing my mindgrapes!

Jennifer Lawrence prepares for battle in the new international trailer for Catching Fire.

-I don’t know if this security sign that’s supposedly outside Taylor Swift‘s house is the real deal, but I really hope it is.

-Congrats to Vince Vaughn and his wife, who just welcomed a new son. They named him Vernon Lindsay, after the actor’s father.

-The LAPD have dismissed Leah Remini‘s missing person report for the head of Scientology’s wife, with TMZ reporting that cops had a face-to-face meeting with her. Something’s still…off.

-I love and adore Connie Britton and I love and adore everything she says in her new Ladies’ Home Journal cover story. I’m just not loving the styling. That doesn’t even look like her face in the first photo, and the cover shot makes her hair look terrible. How is that even possible? Connie Britton’s hair rules the world!

-On the flip side, I’m loving the styling in Miley Cyrusnew magazine spread. If only Kiernan Shipka hadn’t already beat her to the ‘young star looking hot in fuzzy couture’ punch this month.

-A sequel to Now You See Me is in the works. But I still need someone to explain away all the plot holes in the first one!

Chris Brown reportedly suffered a seizure in a recording studio early Friday morning.

Breaking Bad’s Dean Norris made a funny for FunnyorDie.

-Just in case you weren’t already convinced of Anna Kendrick‘s awesomeness, here are 11 ways she’d liven up your party.

-CBS is eying a Wizard of Oz-themed medical drama. In real life.

Liam Hemsworth has a “no shirtless selfies” rule for Twitter. If only his girlfriend would follow suit.

-Speaking of those two, they walked a carpet together last night for the first time in over a year. Yay?

Ariana Grande is begging fans to chill out after they went cray cray because Justin Bieber was spotted kissing her on the cheek.

Werner Herzog‘s gut-punching documentary on texting while driving might be the thing that finally stops it. You can watch the whole thing here.

-More evidence that Bruce Willis is a jerk: Sly Stallone would rather work with Mel Gibson than him.

-The trailer for Season 3 of Homeland just dropped, and even though the show kind of lost me last year, this promo is really, really working for me. Mostly because A) it features a lot of Claire Danes Cry Face, which is the quickest thing in the world to reduce me to vapor, and B) it’s soundtracked by The Cinematic Orchestra’s “To Build a Home,” which I once listened to non-stop for an entire week.