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Johnny Depp Channels Matthew McConaughey in New Dior Ad

-I couldn’t even get through Johnny Depp’s entire Dior ad. My cringe muscle was spasming. Seriously, did he think we needed *more* reasons to mock him?

-The VMAs continue to tear everyone apart, and it’s glorious. Demi Lovato and Kathy Griffin are fighting again, Miley Cyrus is pissed about that Nicki Minaj‬ confrontation, and Taylor Swift is angry that Kanye West went off-book. It’s the show that keeps on giving!

-Usually when actors cover Men’s Health they’re looking shirtless and ripped, but Colin Farrell ain’t got no time for that. Change approved!

-The author of the 007 books said Idris Elba is “a bit too rough” and “too street” to play Bond. Twitter immediately got its panties in a bunch (rightfully so), but his actual quote got a little lost in the headlines. (The author immediately followed up the comment in question by saying “I can think of other black actors who would do it better,” citing Hustle’s Adrian Lester, so it was more of a tone-deaf comment about class, not race.) He also suggested Idris isn’t “suave” enough, which is equally incomprehensible. Don’t worry Idris, you can still star in lots of stuff. Let’s start with my dreams and my wedding and go from there, mm-kay?

–Ian McKellan refused to join Taylor Swift’s silly squad after she evicted him from his apartment.

–Hilary Clinton‘s emails revealed that she wanted to know when Parks and Rec is on. Hilary Clinton is all of us.

–Andrew Garfield is totally unrecognizable here.

-I really liked this Grantland piece on how young stars like Zac Efron, Jesse Eisenberg and Miles Teller should handle their summer flops.

–Emmy Rossum is engaged to the guy who created Mr. Robot. I LOVE that guy!

-The internet is hating on Kermit’s new girlfriend.

-I’m leaning into my inner geekgirl and going to my very first fan convention this weekend! (Well, I went once but that was on a press pass so it doesn’t really count.) So is Gillian Anderson going to sing to me? Because YouTube has taught me to expect that. A lot.

-This new promo for Shonda night on ABC is all kinds of cute. I love that they’re really playing up Scandal’s love of wine.

–J.K. Rowling wished James Sirius Potter a happy first day at Hogwarts and it sent me down a long wormhole via Pottermore.com. (I got sorted into Ravenclaw, which I’m feeling very conflicted about.)

-NBC scraped plans for a Coach reboot. “It feels dated” seems like the weirdest excuse ever. Like, this is seriously just occurring to them now?!

-I made my TIFF movie picks yesterday, and one of the films I chose was Julianne Moore and Ellen Page‘s Freeheld, which I can’t wait to see. Page’s response to being told that she’s “brave” for playing a gay character makes me want to see it even more.

-I also chose Brooklyn starring Saoirse Ronan because it got such raves at Sundance.  Here’s the first clip.

-I seriously considered this Drew Barrymore/Toni Collette movie, but it seemed a little lightweight for a TIFF pick (says the girl who picked a film based on the fact that it’s from Denmark and features fake moustaches…)

-I also passed on Eddie Redmayne’s The Danish Girl, and this trailer is making be regret it.

Celebrities Weigh In On Taylor Swift and Nicki Minaj’s Twitter War

arron-paul-taylor-swift-nicki-minaj

-Is this the first time Taylor Swift has stepped in it? ‘Cause last night, she really, really did. Like, throw out those shoes, girlfriend; they’re ruined. Nicki Minaj was tweeting about her VMA snubs and suggesting that it was racially motivated, and Taylor weirdly inserted herself into the conversation and somehow made it all about feminism (which it wasn’t). Things got real weird, real fast. And within a few hours, the underdog narrative that Swift’s machine has spent so long building suddenly started showing cracks.

-Celebs were quick to jump in on the Swift vs Minaj convo, from Bruno Mars‘ hilarious response to Aaron Paul trying to be a peacemaker to professional mansplainer Piers Morgan hijacking the conversation.

-The cheating allegations are flying on both sides of the Blake Shelton/Miranda Lambert split. Her camp is now saying that he’s the one who strayed, but a new blind item suggests that’s not the whole truth. (I’m guessing Kasey Musgraves is the up and comer referenced.) Access Hollywood is also claiming that she had a “long-term affair.” Whatever happened, they both sound pretty bummed about it.

–Lindsay Lohan went swimming in lingerie, as one does.

–Jake Gyllenhaal may be a grump in all his recent print interviews, but he remains the ideal talk show guest. Listen to this cutie pie talk about his beard  or get slapped in the face and try not to hug the screen with your uterus.

-The Lone Gunman are set to appear in The X-Files reboot? I’m a little hazy on the final seasons and what happened in their short-lived spinoff but didn’t they, like, die?

-I don’t even remember the Anne Hathaway joke in Trainwreck, but at least she has a sense of humour about it.

-This is an interesting look at why the year’s biggest Sundance hits (Dope and Me, Earl and the Dying Girl) both fizzled at the box office. Festival buzz is no longer enough.

-I feel like James Corden is conducting his late night show exactly how most of us would if given the chance: looking at who is going to be on that night and then wondering “Which of my secret bucket list scenarios involves them?” How else to explain him dressing up as MC Skat Kat and recreating the “Opposites Attract” video with Paula Abdul? James Corden is all of us.

-Want to work for Gwyneth Paltrow‘s GOOP? How comfortable are you having an office in a barn?

-As much as The Good Wife fell off the rails last season, this article about how CBS just ordered a summer 2016 series from that show’s creators about aliens who have eaten politicians’ brains made me think, “I am SO in.”

-I never thought there’d come the day when there was too much naked Neville Longbottom on my timeline, but here we are.

–Bill Simmons just landed a mega deal with HBO, and it sounds like part of it involves doing a TV version of The BS Report. It’s like the podcast, but even better ’cause it’ll be easier to fast-forward through all the sports talk!

-The Freeheld trailer, featuring Julianne Moore and Ellen Page as a couple fighting for equal rights, looks fantastic.

-Speaking of trailers, the Spectre trailer introduces Christoph Waltz as the latest Bond villain.

Rachel McAdams, Taylor Kitsch Returning to TV

Rachel McAdams no makeup

-It sounds like Rachel McAdams and Taylor Kitsch will fill the other “True Detective” s2 lead roles. I love them both on the small screen (did you see her in Slings & Arrows?) and this pretty much guarantees I’m going to watch the crap out of it,  but this show might have a bit of a diversity problem.

-Meanwhile, Ellen Page and Kate Mara (who were initially rumoured to star in season 2), made a funny True Detective spoof about why they couldn’t land the parts.

–Jason Derulo and Jordin Sparks just split after three years (and countless music videos) together.

-Speaking of music videos, are we *supposed* to cringe while watching Hilary Duff dance in her new one? If so, success!

–Taylor Swift wore a t-shirt based on a Tumblr meme based on her, and the internet exploded.

–Amber Rose wants her fans to know that she’s ending her marriage because she says Wiz Khalifa cheated. She’s seeking full custody, while he’s jumping on a trampoline while listening to LCD Soundsystem.

-Grantland’s Bill Simmons dared ESPN to punish him as he ripped NFL commish Roger Goodell a new one….and well, they did.

–Drake got a calf tattoo of an emoji, which is going to seem incredibly dated in about 3 seconds.

–Lindsay Lohan forgot her lines during the opening night preview of London’s Speed the Plow, and the audience “openly laughed” at her. Other reviews suggest that other actors also forgot their lines and the audience was often rooting for her.

-I love that Lauren Graham and her Parenthood daughter Mae Whitman hang out on the regular — and Lauren publicly embarrasses her just like a real mother would.

-Not surprisingly, Miles Teller is backtracking on his Divergent diss.

-Who is Stephen Amell going after in this Facebook post? Publicists? Network suits? I’m intrigued.

-This clip from Gone Girl makes it look like a cutesy rom-com. It’s not.

–Amal Alamuddin has arrived in Italy for her wedding to George Clooney. It’s my mother’s birthday this weekend, and I feel like I’m going to spend a lot of time on the phone with her working through this…

-The cast of Scandal played a cute trivia game on Ellen ahead of their premiere tonight.

-This Shonda Rhimes monologue generator has taken away entire chunks of my day.

-Speaking of time sucks, the second episode of the Veronica Mars webseries features shirtless Logan and pantless Piz. You’re welcome!

-Manhattan Love Story is a terrible new sitcom that will undoubtedly be cancelled almost immediately, but it’s not all bad news: costars Jake McDorman and Analeigh Tipton are dating.

–Bill Cosby‘s Colbert interview went a little off the rails last night.

-Will you buy Thor as a hacker? Here’s Chris Hemsworth in the Blackhat trailer.