-UPDATE: Brad Pitt is reportedly being investigated for child abuse after allegedly getting verbally and physically abusive on a private plane with his family last week. More to come, but I guess we know what that inciting “incident” Us Weekly keeps talking about is…
-Tabloids deserve all the eyerolls today. Brangelina‘s split news dropped too late for most to change this week’s covers, so the lower-tiered ones are stuck running their typical (*cough* false *cough*) stories about Jennifer Aniston. Except for the New York Post, who inexplicably ran their Brangelina split cover today — and didn’t feature a photo of Brangelina. Not surprisingly, the online reaction was swift and punishing. I’m wondering how long it’ll take Aniston to ask to remove herself from this narrative?
-I actually thought that if anyone had a chance to rush a new cover to press before their Tuesday deadline it’d be People, but it looks like they were stuck with their Michael Strahan one. At least were in for some deep dives across the newsstand next week.
-Oh my god, I didn’t even think about how the split is going to affect Brangelina’s Miravel rosé. But that’s my summer water!
-Just in case you weren’t already convinced that Brad Pitt was blindsided, here’s footage of CNN breaking the divorce news to George Clooney.
-Meanwhile, I love Lainey’s acutely sharp insight into how Pitt is floundering without being the beneficiary of Angelina Jolie‘s media savvy. He’s going to need to tighten up if he’s fighting for joint custody, as TMZ is reporting.
–Chelsea Handler weighed in on the split by saying “he married a ***king lunatic.” Not that she’s biased or anything.
-Also, I’m going to really, really need Jam Session to drop an emergency Brangelina podcast stat.
-In other couple news, Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes’ camps have shot down Us Weekly’s report that they are secretly married. Gawd Hollywood, can’t you give us one thing to hold onto this week?!
-Ok, let’s turn to happier topics, shall we? Like Parks and Rec’s Jean-Ralphio meeting his doppelganger, Stranger Things’ Steve.
–Idris Elba is going to be on TV again. Just pour this show directly into my eyeballs ASAP.
–Joss Whedon recruited stars from Buffy, Avengers, Greys Anatomy, Blindspot and more for a predictably great anti-Trump PSA. And he returned to Twitter!
–Gabrielle Union continues to impress the hell out of me on her Birth of a Nation press tour. “In order to begin to see change start to occur, we have to be willing to have conversations with people who have different opinions than us. I’ve already talked to Lena Dunham; I would love to talk to Kate Upton and Amy Schumer. Maybe I can help to explain the oppressive systems that have benefited and allowed them to say these careless, insensitive and offensive things. Those conversations are awkward as f-ck and they get heated.”
–Uma Thurman is the latest movie star to make the jump to TV.
-Folk aren’t impressed with Karen Gillan‘s ‘sexist’ Jumanji outfit, but she insists there’s a reason why she’s wearing child-sized clothes.
-How come this is the first I’m hearing about Netflix’s Easy, a show that drops tomorrow starring Aya Cash, Dave Franco, Hannibal Buress, Gugu Mbatha-Raw and Jake Johnson from the guy who did Drinking Buddies?? I love all of those people! This is the issue of peak TV meeting Netflix’s revulsion for promotion – stuff gets lost in the shuffle.
-I spent a lot of time staring at the McQueen dress Emily Blunt wore to The Girl On The Train premiere and trying to figure out if I like it or not. I think so? Ask me again in five minutes and I might not.
-My stance on Felicity Jones’ terrible dress at the Burberry show is much less conflicted.
–Leah Remini is teaming up with A&E for a new series on Scientology. Here for it.
-Intriguing: Jeffrey Tambor says he has “marching orders” to return to the Arrested Development set in January.
-I love that Chris Pratt braiding interviewers’ hair is now a thing. (Also, Denzel is in a way better mood in this video than he seemed at TIFF.)
-This is really great writing on The Ringer this week celebrating the types of TV that critics tend to ignore. As much as I like Atlanta, Mr Robot, etc., I’m most looking forward to the return of superheroes and soapy dramas.
-This new Anne of Green Gables trailer is…something.
-Yes, Ryan Gosling plays a keytard in La La Land. Him posing with it while biting his lower lip –as well as the scene where Emma Stone forces him to perform “I Ran” — is pure delight.
–Gosling, Kate Hudson and Hugh Grant read mean tweets about themselves on Kimmel last night.
–Taraji P. Henson, Octavia Spencer, and Janelle Monáe get their math on in the new Hidden Figures trailer. People who saw this at TIFF loved it.