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January 8, 2017

2017 Golden Globes Best and Worst Dressed

The theme of the 2017 Golden Globes’ red carpet seemed to be clavicles. There were so many weirdly similar plunging necklines that a lot of the dresses kind of started blending together. But there were still enough WTF? style moments to keep us awake throughout the inane red carpet banter. Nicole and I picked our best and worst looks:


Jen: There’s no question for me that Evan Rachel Woods’ custom tux by Altuzarra is the winner of the night by a long shot. I loved it on first sight, and then I loved it even more when she said she wore it as an homage to David Bowie and added, “I want to make sure that young girls and women know [dresses] aren’t a requirement and you don’t have to wear one if you don’t want to; you can just be yourself because your worth is more than that.” Preach!

Nicole: I’m totally with you on this! She was just so cool and made it seem effortless.

Nicole: I loved Kerry Washington’s Dolce & Gabbana Alta Moda. The fit was perfect, it was so flattering and a great colour! I also appreciated that Kerry wore lipstick which because it just pulled the whole look together.

Jen: You like this more than I did. I think the bodysuit peeking out from underneath makes me side-eye it a bit.

Jen: I love me a sleek column dress and Amy Adams did it best in this Tom Ford stunner. I adore the square neckline, which makes it just a little bit weird.

Nicole: I was a bit bored by this. It fit beautifully and agree the neckline was interesting but it still wasn’t enough to make a black sequined column dress a standout for me.

Nicole: I was pleased with Emma Stone’s Valentino gown for tonight and thought that it was simple and flattering and just youthful enough to come across as fun.

Jen: I kind of wish it was a bolder colour but I dig Emma’s dress too, especially because it fit so well with the character she’s nominated for (but wasn’t as on the nose as Natalie Portman’s Jackie-esque dress).

Jen: I can already feel Nicole yelling at me for this pick, but I weirdly kinda dig Drew Barrymore’s weirdass Monique Lhuillier birdlady dress. Not many people can pull off the Vegas boho look but she kills it. I wish her hair was less messy and she’d toned down the contouring makeup, but I’m still tickled by this look.

Nicole: Good lord. I actually hoped she’d fly away with those weird wings.

Nicole: I fell in love with Janelle Monae in Moonlight and tumbled a little deeper after seeing Hidden Figures. She is stunning in this custom Armani gown and manages to invoke a bit of the time period while still being thoroughly modern. Love!

Jen: This dress is so weird but in a good way. Between Moonlight, Hidden Figures and her red carpet game this season, she’s on a roll.

Jen: She was a late arrival but Brie Larson saved the best for last in this perfectly fitted red Rodarte. One of my faves of the night!

Nicole: Agreed! It was a stunner on sight and the red stood out amongst the sequins, yellows and golds.

Nicole: It pains me to choose Jessica Biel as a favourite (mostly because of her spouse) but her Elie Saab was so cool and crazy and flattering. It’s a clavicle dress but I just loved the tailoring and the embellishments.

Jen: I can’t believe you’re stanning this one. Not only for the clavicle (see below) but this thing has FAKE GRAPES glued to it!

Jen: Insecure’s Issa Rae killed it on her first red carpet in this absolutely breathtaking beaded Siriano. Great hair, too.

Nicole: I thought it was simple and beautiful.

Nicole: We both loved Viola Davis’s breathtaking Michael Kors Collection sequined gown that positively glowed. She was radiant and a unanimous pick.

Jen: Yeah, this was a such a great dress. Bold colour, perfect fit. I love that Viola is having such a moment right now!



Jen: How does a dress like Nicole Kidman’s McQueen happen to such a huge star? HOW?!? I want to rip off the sleeves and the hem and change the lining — just to start.

Nicole: What in the actual f*** was this mess? Another cold shoulder gone terribly wrong.

Nicole: I never really think of Natalie Portman as a star on the red carpet but this dress was just terrible from the colour to the fit. I understand not wanting to wear a super form fitting dress but this was a bedazzled Prada tent.

Jen: Hey guys, did you know Natalie plays Jackie Kennedy in the 60s? Did ya? Well, just in case you forgot, her dress is her to serve as a walking reminder.

Jen: I never really have high hopes for Carrie Underwood on a red carpet, but this was unusually bad, even for her. From the figure skating costume sheer back to the frilly front that kind of looks like a labia, this Iris Serban gown is all kinds of bad.

Nicole: Classic overdone Carrie.

Nicole: I always wish Michelle Williams would be more interesting on the red carpet and this year was no exception. I generally love the adverts she does for Louis Vuitton but this dress was blah, the choker was embarrassing and for the love of god, wear some colour on your face!

Jen: This was another dress that I wanted to rip the sleeves off of. And the chest was weirdly boob-flattening.

Jen: So many women were saddled with Louis Vuitton gowns that I didn’t like on this red carpet, but LV did Sophie Turner extra dirty with this mess of a dress.

Nicole: I get the desire to be different and youthful. This is not that.

Nicole: Let me preface this by saying I love me a cold shoulder. However, when executed as a gown, I feel like it doesn’t play well. Sarah Jessica Parker is a great example of this with her Vera Wang gown. It doesn’t work and I wish she’d just worn her Vera Wang wedding gown instead.

Jen: “Cold shoulder.” “Flu shot access panel.” Whatever this trend is called, I still hate it.

Jen: Lately, Felicity Jones seems to be trying to be on a personal mission to get her photo placed next to the word “dowdy” in the dictionary, and she might just succeed with this atrocious Gucci gown.

Nicole: I’m with you. I love the Gucci playfulness and tromp l’oeil but this mess? No.

Nicole: I wish Winona Ryder had worn something… less interesting? It looked like my Junior Prom dress (from the 90’s) and even though it’s Victor and Rolf and fit beautifully, I just wasn’t won over, especially with what looked like a terrible ass bow.

Jen: I didn’t dislike this one as much as you did. The bow on the back was a little much, but otherwise I thought it was Old Hollywood classy.

Jen: I didn’t hate Kristen Bell’s Jenny Packham dress as much as my other picks, but I was so bored by this unflattering neckline. Mandy Moore and Jessica Biel also rocked a similar look. Since when did the top of bellies become a must-show-off body part?

Nicole: I actually loved this. It was young and fit impeccably and I thought she was having a ton of fun in it.

Nicole: Gucci had some crazy dresses on the red carpet tonight and they also took Zoe Saldana down with them. This frilly mess had gorgeous colour going for it but failed to flatter and the cheap bow really did this in.

Jen: This was extra disappointing because she’s usually one of my faves.