-Well, there goes the only reason I ever kind of liked Ben Affleck: he and Jennifer Garner officially announced their split. The exclusive came from People (of course it did; they worked really hard for it, after all) and it comes ONE DAY after their 10th anniversary. The timing of this matters: under California divorce law, once you hit the 10-year mark, alimony becomes a much bigger deal. So the question is: did they officially split today (which means he let her reach the magic number 10, which might be the most honourable thing he’s done for her in a while), or did they split earlier and just announced it today to make him look better (which is going to be a PR nightmare if it comes out)? And why didn’t they wait until the end of the week to announce? A US long weekend is a media dead zone. So. Many. Questions.
-Meanwhile, I’m so here for Jen‘s post-divorce career comeback. I’m thinking a prestige TV series? Maybe HBO or Netflix? I’m flexible.
-Think dating is hard? Try adding time travel like Amy Schumer does in her latest sketch.
–Taylor Kitsch talked about being naked on True Detective. Sigh. Please stop making it so hard to quit that show, Taylor.
-Speaking of FNL alums, Minka Kelly was spotted on a “first date” with Sean Penn at French Laundry. Dammit, French Laundry was on my bucket list and now it’s ruined. RUINED!
-I need to calm down. Luckily, I can stare at these adorable outtakes from Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny’s EW shoot until I’m out of v-fib.
–Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were spotted at a London recording studio with Chris Martin. Either he’s helping them score their next movie, or my dreams about the ultimate Spice Girls cover band are inching closer to reality.
-Everyone’s assuming Britney Spears is throwing shade at Iggy Azalea with this tweet. We can only hope.
–Stephen Colbert just did 20 “no hands” push ups after John Oliver tagged him in a #GiveThem20 post.
-I don’t watch Castle, but lots of people are thinking this blind item has something to do with whispers of discord between Nathan Fillion and Stana Katic. I really hope that’s not true; I love him and I have zero sympathy for well-paid actors who mess up their shows because they can’t keep it professional. We’ve all had coworkers we don’t like. (I’m looking at you, guy who keeps stealing my Coke Zeroes from the office fridge…)
-Just in case you need a good cry, here’s comedians getting emotional in the trailer for the I Am Chris Farley doc.
-Sigh. Game of Thrones won’t have any female directors next season. On the plus side, Transparent’s will have only one cis male director.
-I was kind of holding my breath while waiting for the Magic Mike XXL reviews to land. I loved it but could easily see critics turning on it, so it’s great to see that the heavy hitters liked it. I especially like how Vox’s review points out how slyly feminist and sex-positive it is. (There’s an early scene in a gay club and I spent the whole time clenched and waiting for one of the queens to become the butt of a joke, and it thankfully never happened.)
-Meanwhile, you can now listen to Matt Bomer’s D’Angelo cover from the soundtrack.
-Congrats to Evangeline Lilly, who is expecting baby #2.
-Here’s a list of all the ridiculous celebrities who don’t believe in vaccines because they’re ridiculous.
-Here’s the trailer for Secret In Their Eyes starring Julia Roberts, Chiwetel Ejiofor, and Nicole Kidman. Looks like we’ve got another annoying Julia Oscar appearance in our near future…