-I’m still waiting for that spark Dakota Johnson had in Ben & Kate to make an appearance in the 50 Shades press tour, but it remains totally absent in her new Vogue cover story. “Dakota is very funny,” costar Jamie Dornan insists, despite there being absolutely no evidence to back that up anywhere in the article.
-Meanwhile, god bless The Cut for running a gallery called “15 Inanimate Objects With More Chemistry Than Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson.”
-On Kimmel last night, Benedict Cumberbatch adorably tried out some other names. Luigi McPenis?
-Also, the Broad City ladies charmed Kimmel last night by wearing tuxedos inspired by Dumb & Dumber. It saddens me that it took me so long to get onboard with their show.
-Speaking of late show antics, Jennifer Lopez stumped Jimmy Fallon while playing Catch Phrase by wiggling her butt around.
–Olivia Munn has no love for stars who are constantly Instagramming selfies. “You can’t put out so much and then ask for your privacy.” Preach!
-Just in case you had any lingering feelings of lust for Johnny Depp, these photos of his reunion with the coke dealer who inspired Blow should fix you right up!
-Also, Depp say he is so over actor-musicians: “It’s always just made me sick.” Psst, he knows he’s an actor-musician, right?
–Justin Bieber is going to be mocked (officially, this time!) on a Comedy Central roast (assuming all the roasters can come up with material that hasn’t already been tweeted). Apparently, he’s been begging for a roast for years, which is weird.
-I’m weirdly psyched to see a Prison Break cast reunion on tonight’s The Flash.
-Speaking of CW superhero shows, Arrow’s Katie Cassidy got into a Twitter feud with Chrissy Teigen, but it revolves around football so I seriously have no idea what they’re going on about.
-In other Arrow news, producers released a deleted scene from last season’s finale that is making shippers’ heads explode. I’m so glad they cut that kiss; that scene pissed me off enough as it was.
-And here’s why we can’t totally dismiss award show recognition: the week after its surprise Golden Globe win, last night’s Jane The Virgin hit a demo high and was its most-watched ep since its premiere.
-A Marvel movie seems like the last thing Kristen Stewart should be doing right now.
–Mark Schultz, who Channing Tatum played in Foxcatcher, has changed his mind about the movie yet again.
-As if the Serial case wasn’t already head messing, now Asia says she never recanted her alibi.
-This Black Mirror parody is a bit too glib, but it did make me giggle.
–Gwyneth Paltrow was papped in a teeny bikini. Take that, reports of Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin’s romantic dinner dates!
-Ewww. Justin Timberlake’s restaurant was closed by a literal river of poop. Twice.
-Here’s a new trailer for The Walking Dead‘s February return.
-Speaking of new TV promos, here’s a short peek at Game of Throne’s fifth season.
-The trailer for The Gunman is here, starring Idris Elba, Javier Bardem and Sean Penn.