–Gwyneth Paltrow used to drive her kids to school on a Vespa, but school officials have reportedly put the kibosh on it due to safety concerns.
-Meanwhile, Gwynnie released her GOOP Gift Guide today. I was thoroughly underwhelmed.
-So now even Miley Cyrus is making fun of Justin Bieber?
–Mariah Carey took to her Facebook page to publicly shame a sound engineer who uploaded the wrong mix of her new song. The whole post is so glorious, I poured a glass of water and reread it, just so I could do a spit take.
-Watch out world: Chris Brown is out of rehab and on the loose again.
–Avril Lavigne says she partied so hard she can’t remember any details from her wedding. What a charmer!
–Jennifer Lawrence says she “almost threw up” when she met Justin Timberlake. She should save her puke for someone more worthy.
-If you ever see Barbara Walters at a movie screening, leave the theatre immediately.
-Whoa. NBC withheld the majority of Jonathan Rhys-Meyers‘ $100k/episode salary until he was done filming Dracula because they were worried about his issues with substance abuse.
–Alec Baldwin denies sleeping with his alleged stalker, but his friend says he’s lying.
-Meanwhie, Alec celebrated the guilty verdict of his stalker by calling a photographer a “c***sucking f*g.”
–Jake Gyllenhaal had to go to the ER for “numerous stitches” after punching a mirror on a movie set. Don’t worry, Jake. I had a similar reaction when I saw the Rob Ford tape this morning.
-Oh, and Charlie Sheen just wrote an open letter to Rob Ford. He wants to be BFFs, of course.
-Those glorious bastards at Buzzfeed killed my productivity today by compiling a ranking of every single Buffy episode. Though I would have ordered them a bit differently, their top 20 is pretty bang on.
-So sad: James Bond actor Paul Bhattacharjee has committed suicide after declaring bankruptcy.
-NBC is finally (finally!) doing something right. They’re giving Maya Rudolph a variety special which may (fingers crossed!) turn into a series.
-In other ‘funny people getting awesome deals’ news, Key & Peele are teaming up with Judd Apatow on a new comedy film.
–Wil Wheaton is a brave man. He just dared the Internet to Photoshop him.
-In a new ad for Volvo, Jean-Claude Van Damme does an epic split on two trucks. Is this real? This can’t be real, right?
-The Artist star Jean Dujardin has split from his wife.
-So weird: Andy Kaufman‘s brother says the comedian is still alive, in love and has a daughter.
-Treme star Robert Brown is suing Macy’s in NYC for racial profiling and just being dicks in general.
-It looks like John Oliver‘s stellar takeover of The Daily Show this summer didn’t go unnoticed. He just landed a “topical comedy series” on HBO.
-I love this video of Donald Glover (aka Childish Gambino) performing “Shadows” on Arsenio Hall’s couch. But what is he wearing? Is he an extra on Lost?!
-Speaking of Donald, here’s photographic proof that season 5 of Community is actually happening!
-Oh right. I forgot that critics hated Love Actually when it first came out.
-The week’s almost over. Celebrate by watching Nick Offerman’s mustache dance to the Flashdance song.
-Meanwhile, at the end of this interview with Nick he reveals that Adam Scott is directing an episode of Parks and Rec this season.
-Weirdly, a long trailer for the new Flowers in the Attic surfaced this morning but it’s being pulled and replaced by a shorter version. Either way, will all be tuning into Lifetime on Jan. 18 to watch Sally Draper hook up with her brother.