-Earlier today, I was pretty convinced that the drama surrounding Vanity Fair’s unauthorized story on Gwyneth Paltrow would be juicier than the article itself — but that was before reports surfaced that the VF writer is sniffing around Paltrow’s relationship with Elle Macpherson‘s husband, Jeff Soffer. They’re investigating if she was with him in 2008 — five years after she married Chris Martin (which kind of casts her recent comments about forgiving cheating in a whole new light, no?) They might also be looking into her relationship with a NYC literary agent, as well as covering her falling out with Madonna. Yowza! Also, this morning VF posted a retrospective of all of Gwyneth’s appearances in their magazine over the years. Shots fired!
-You gotta love Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard for going through with their promise to have a low-key, no-frills wedding. They got hitched at the county clerk’s office in Beverly Hills.
-The internet is losing its poo over these photos of Lara Flynn Boyle’s face.
-Despite his recent Instagram meltdown, Donald Glover insists he’s fine. I’d still like to offer my hug services, just in cases.
–Katy Perry’s new album Prism is streaming. I couldn’t get past the birthday song, but that’s just me…
–The Olsens claim they wore Chanel and Marc Jacobs on Full House, and that’s what got them interested in fashion. Um, ok.
-Break out the tiny fiddles: supermodel Bar Refaeli says she can’t get a man.
–Jennifer Lopez‘s favorite personal assistant just quit to go work for Mariah Carey. How bad must JLo be as a boss when Mariah’s grass seems greener?
-Despite split rumours, Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smart were photographed together in LA.
-The Norman Reedus anecdote in the Vanity Fair piece on River Phoenix is lovely and restores my faith in the universe.
–Kate Middleton played volleyball during a royal visit and her shirt rode up a little, giving the world an excuse to ogle her abs.
–Joe Jonas broke his silence in the wake of the rift with his brothers — by saying he doesn’t want to talk about it.
–Tom Hanks and Ken Burns are teaming up on history audio books, and they managed to get Bryan Cranston to read “The Things They Carried” for the service’s debut.
-Oh god. The Onion has started doing movie reviews. I think I just fell in love.
-Please please please let this blind item be about Harvey Weinstein!
-I get weirded out and uncomfortable whenever Josh Groban makes me laugh.
-Following Kanye West’s rant on Kimmel about how Kim Kardashian deserves a star on the Walk of Fame, an official spokesperson released a statement that’s basically all “yeahhhh, no.”
-CW’s new show Reign kind of tanked last night, despite lead-in The Vampire Diaries’ ratings climb.
–Matthew Perry and Lizzy Caplan (who I kept forgetting were together) have split. Like, a year ago.
-The only time I’m going to link off to a Playboy article is when Idris Elba is the interview subject. And even then, it’s icky.
–Drake and Future made up, in case you were worried.
-CBS has ordered full seasons for new fall comedies Mom, The Millers, and The Crazy Ones.
-Meanwhile, NBC cancelled Ironside and Welcome to the Family. They also announced that Community will return Jan. 2. Cool cool cool.
-Ok fine, I’m actually buying the Gwen Stefani belly bump rumours now.
–Nicollette Sheridan‘s case over her Desperate Housewives firing has finally been dismissed.
-Pretty much everyone who’s on TV right now was appeared on Dawson’s Creek.
-The trailer for Endless Love has landed. Stop trying to make Alex Pettyfer happen, Hollywood!