–Melissa McCarthy is the latest victim of a Photoshop fail (again!), with her face apparently slimmed down and blurred for The Heat‘s UK poster. To be fair, the US poster is terrible as well, but at least Sandra Bullock also gets her share of air-brushing.
-The Critic’s Choice Awards happened last night and I’m so thrilled that Tatiana Maslany won the Best Actress in a Drama trophy for her outstanding work on Orphan Black, I’m not even going to complain about the fact that The Big Bang Theory won Best Comedy. It was also a night filled with questionable style choices, including Michael Sheen’s new ‘stache.
-Things I can’t unsee now include this video of Gerard Butler cracking nuts with his ass while a German audience cheers him on.
-Also, Russell Crowe mastered an MJ-style crotch grab on Fallon last night.
–Chris Brown may have to redo his community service because he didn’t properly complete it the first time around. And also because of karma.
–Russell Brand told David Letterman he once became a mailman because he thought it would lead to lots of morning sex with housewives. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t work out that way.
-Sources insist that Ellen Page and Alexander Skarsgard are just friends, meaning that the world makes sense once again.
–Beyonce wrote a handwritten note to Serena Williams, as it’s as kickass and girl-power-affirming as you’d expect.
-Oh crap. Who let Amanda Bynes get a puppy?!
-I keep forgetting that Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and Jason Statham are a thing. Maybe because separately they’re both kind of forgettable.
-See? This is the Justin Bieber we all know and love — the kid who thinks a boys’ night out should involve a trip to Disneyland. Show us more of that guy, JB.
–Rachel Zoe is getting static for letting her son look like a girl because people have way too much time on their hands.
-Aw crap. M. Night Shyamalan just revealed that he ghost-wrote She’s All That, which is one of my favourite ’90s movies. I seriously don’t know how to process this.
-I have no idea why Lauren Conrad still has the power to command magazine covers, but at least she looks great on Marie Claire.
–Kanye West just confirmed his new record will feature Daft Punk, Chief Keef, and Bon Iver, which makes me look forward to it, which then makes me hate myself.
-My opinion of Amy Adams‘ Man of Steel premiere dress changes with every photo I see of it.
-Speaking of movies getting good reviews, This Is The End is (somewhat surprisingly) sitting pretty with 80% on RottenTomatoes.
-Meanwhile, the guys from This Is The End made a Real World spoof. Jay Baruchel FTW!
-The guy who plays Robb Stark on Game of Thrones rode the subway looking really dejected, which means he’d get along swimmingly with the GoT fandom right now.
–Paris Jackson is expected to be released from the hospital by Friday because her family wants her to attend her cousin’s weekend wedding and, you know, PRIORITIES!
–Conan O’Brien had George Takei on his show to hilariously explain how water is gay.
-I want this Breaking Bad print so much!
-Meanwhile, here’s our first look at Aaron Paul‘s new movie Need for Speed. I’m trying to be supportive because he’s my pretend boyfriend, but ugh.
–Penn Badgley and Zoe Kravitz have reportedly split after two years of dating.
-It’s official: my decision to follow Sir Patrick Stewart‘s Twitter feed will never let me down.
–Rihanna cuddled up to Victoria’s Secret model chanel iman for an Instagram pic.
-The new Lonely Island video features Diddy as Paul Rudd’s wingman. More importantly, Robyn! And Sarah Chalke wearing a strap-on!
–Amy Poehler proves herself to be even more awesome by fangirling over Judy Blume.
–Tom Cruise, Hugh Jackman and Jennifer Hudson attended Wal-Mart’s annual shareholder meeting, which is super depressing.
–Seth Green wants to play Hans Solo in this Star Wars spoof.
-The new trailer for The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug has landed. We get glimpses of Lost‘s Evangeline Lily, Pushing Daisies‘ Lee Pace, returning character Orlando Bloom, and a whole bunch of other people I just can’t quite bring myself to care about.