-I keep waiting for this report about Jessica Simpson getting her own NBC sitcom to turn out to be a hoax. It’s got to be, right? RIGHT!?!?
-It looks like Jason Trawick coordinated with Britney Spears’ dad to extricate himself from their relationship — and she might not yet comprehend that it’s really over.
-There’s been lots of Lindsay Lohan courtroom drama (it must be a day that ends in ‘y’). She fired her long-suffering lawyer minutes before she stepped inside the courthouse because she didn’t want to take a plea deal that required rehab. Lohan then pleaded not guilty in a car crash case.
-Meanwhile, the first clip from Lohan’s film The Canyons has been released. It looks like a winner.
-Speaking of Lindsay, Megan Fox compared her to Marilyn Monroe — and not in a good way.
–AJ McLean has invited Ryan Gosling to join the Backstreet Boys, which just made the 1993 version of me slip into a coma.
-Speaking of loving Ryan Gosling, Anna Kendrick really, really does.
–Howard Stern changed his mind about calling Lena Dunham “a fat chick who looks like Jonah Hill and keeps taking her clothes off.” How forgiving of him.
–Tina Fey isn’t wrong about many things, but she’s wrong about Twitter.
-Meanwhile, Tina and Amy Poehler helped the Golden Globes reach its highest ratings since 2007.
-At the Globes, do you think Amy finally got the chance to say “Cloonily, I met you“?
–Tina ended up meeting Robert Pattinson, who (oddly) presented her with a rose before hooking up with Kristen Stewart at a Globes afterparty.
-Speaking of the Globes, the Weinstein Co. party involved Heidi Klum dancing on tables and Nathan Fillion taking off his pants. I want to go to there.
-Good news: the “True American” drinking game is coming back to New Girl! Bad news: Brooklyn Decker will be playing it.
-Uh-oh. ABC is pulling Happy Endings and Apt 23 from its Sunday night schedule.
–Amanda Bynes continues to make really good decisions. She just got her cheek pierced.
-I finally figured out what Kate Upton is good for: telling stories about drunk Tony Danza!
-15-year-old Chloe Moretz was photographed for the first time with her 17-year-old boyfriend, Cameron Fuller, and they decided to use the event to stage a fake proposal. (‘Cause we weren’t wigged out enough by their possibly illegal relationship?)
-New photos from The Hunger Games: Catching Fire have landed.
-If you’re not yet watching Archer, this supercut of insults should change that.
-I got way too much enjoyment from this video of Anthony Bourdain feeding Eric Ripert his first McNugget.
-Everyone’s freaking out about Victor Garber‘s big “coming out.” Isn’t this old news? Or do I just know way too much about Papa Bristow?
–Kim Kardashian had a lot to say about her pregnancy and relationship with Kanye West on this morning’s Today Show, if you care about that sort of thing.
–Carrie Underwood is denying reports that Hayden Panettiere‘s Nashville diva is based on her. Mmm-hmmm.
-It looks like Minka Kelly and Chris Evans are no longer hiding their relationship.
-Aw man. The promo for this week’s Fringe series finale just gave me feelings.